Episode #23 – “Bending Space and Time”

Episode #23 – “Bending Space and Time”

Dec 17

Our twenty-third episode features Tzufit and Apple Cider going back in time to revisit Patch 1.10.0.

Or do they? You’ll just have to listen and find out.

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Below the cut is a full transcript of Episode 23, “Bending Space and Time.”

Tzufit: Hello everyone and welcome to Justice Points. Thank you once again to those folks who have joined us live on Twitch this week in our chat room. We appreciate it. And we’re going to have kind of a different episode of Justice Points this week. You know, Apple Cider and I are both feeling a little tired. It’s the holidays. We’ve got a lot of shopping to do. We’ve got a lot of cooking to do. Lots of planning since it’s that time of year. We’re just trying to think of a way that we can bring our Justice Points fans some new content but maybe we don’t have to be here to do that. I just can’t think of what we could do.

Chromie: Hey!

Tzufit: Wha – Chromie! What are you doing here?

Chromie: I’m here to give you guys a break. You guys can just go on vacation. I’ve got it all covered.

Tzufit: Oh my gosh, Chromie. That is the nicest thing. I’m a big fan, by the way, just while I have you here I have to tell you that.

Chromie: Oh thank you. I’m a pretty big fan of me too.

Tzufit: Well Chromie, we appreciate it from the bottom of our hearts, and we are going to make the most of this time away. We will be back very, very shortly. But what are you going to do for our listeners in the meantime?

Chromie: I think we’re going to go back in time.

Tzufit: Oh wow. Well you would certainly be the person to do that.

Chromie: I think we’re going to go all the way back to Vanilla.

Tzufit: Oh wow. That is pretty far back in time. That’s like, what, 2004/2006? That’s like a long time ago.

Chromie: Absolutely, but I think it’ll be very entertaining.

Tzufit: Ok Chromie. Well we know we’re in good hands, so when you’re ready please take our listeners wherever you want them to go.

Chromie: Absolutely and you have a great time.

Tzufit: Thanks Chromie!

Chromie: And now to alter the timestream.

[Altering the timestream sound effects]

Aislinana: Hello? Is this thing on? Is this on?

Coppercogs: I think so. I can hear you OK.

Aislinana: Awesome.

Coppercogs: Hi everybody. Welcome to our first episode of Badges of Justice! I’m Vixby Coppercogs and with me as always is my co-host.

Aislinana: I’m Aislinana Whiztink. Nice to meet you.

Coppercogs: So today, we are hanging out in front of a very, very special place. These are the gates of Ahn’Qiraj.

Aislinana: And we’re coming to you live to give you the news that you want to hear about.

Coppercogs: And we have so much news for you this week. As you probably have guessed, we are very very excited because the gates of Ahn’Qiraj just opened last week and so we want to congratulate everybody who helped with the efforts by turning in your linen bandages and your purple lotuses. So many bandages!

Aislinana: Yes, we’re very grateful for everything that everybody has done to get the Ahn’Qiraj gates open. They had to battle obsidian giants, bugs, all sort of icky nasty things.

Coppercogs: Yeah, absolutely. There have been a lot of bug invasions and there have also been these really really tall guys with like dog heads. I don’t know what they’re called but they were pretty tall and scary. So we really appreciate that everybody went through the effort and the time to make sure that we can stand here right now with no bugs and no tall dog guys.

Aislinana: Yes. We’re going to be doing a very special news broadcast for you guys today. We’re going to be talking about many exciting things from our wonderful location.

Coppercogs: And we are going to take you inside Ahn’Qiraj so that you can see some of the amazing things in there now that we finally opened the gates.

Aislinana: So let’s get right into the news.

Coppercogs: Absolutely. First up, there’s something in your house that could be killing you right now. We’ll bring you a segment on the dangers of goblin technology later in the show. But in the meantime, you probably just shouldn’t touch anything in your house.

Aislinana: Especially not bombs if you have bombs in your house.

Coppercogs: Yeah. That is a very good point. And what are you doing with goblin engineering in your home anyway?

Aislinana: Seriously. Goblins are terrible. You should only use gnome-approved engineering technology. It won’t blow you up most of the time.

Coppercogs: At least about like 98.5% of it, last I heard.

Aislinana: Yes. Do we want to talk to our viewers about some of the ways that they can get rid of goblin technology in their homes?

Coppercogs: Yes, that’s a fantastic idea. The easiest way to get rid of any piece of goblin technology is to use it as intended, because most of the time it will just blow up anyway.

Aislinana: Yes. If you happen to have any goblin rocket fuel in your home for potentially fueling rockets, don’t drink it. It’s very poisonous and it can cause your stomach to explode.

Coppercogs: Unless you’re a goblin, in which case it’s fine. Go ahead and drink it.

Aislinana: Yeah. We don’t care if goblins drink rocket fuel.

Coppercogs: Next up, if you’re using a goblin rocket helmet, you should really make sure that you also have a parachute on.

Aislinana: Yes, because otherwise you’ll fall and die. Also appropriate if goblins do not use parachutes.

Coppercogs: Yeah, goblins don’t need parachutes. Besides, gnomes make the best parachutes anyway. If goblins use the ones that they made, they would probably just have holes in them.

Aislinana: Or probably not even be made out of cloth.

Coppercogs: Yeah. They would probably be totally made out of metal.

Aislinana: If you have a goblin bomb dispenser in your house, do not use it around children … or at all.

Coppercogs: Unless you’re a goblin.

Aislinana: In which case it’s totally fine.

Coppercogs: Please feel free.

Aislinana: I don’t think goblins even have regular houses.

Coppercogs: I’m sure they probably don’t. They probably just live inside bombs and then sometimes they decide that they want a new home and so they blow up the bomb.

Aislinana: I just think goblins are terrible in general.

Coppercogs: Yeah, I think we probably don’t need them. I bet you they didn’t really help much with the war effort anyway.

Aislinana: How are they supposed to help with the war effort? They’re the ones always making wars.

Coppercogs: These are all fantastic points. So next up, the weather!

Aislinana: The weather? I love weather. It’s my favorite.

Coppercogs: I know! And the amazing thing is that we actually have weather now!

Aislinana: Yes. It seems that strange magic has been creating weather patterns unseen in many parts of Azeroth before.

Coppercogs: Apparently, in some places there is a thing called rain now. So if you go to Darkshore and you hang around for – I dunno – a long time, eventually you’re gonna see water that falls down from the sky. And it’s supposed to! And it doesn’t hurt you, I think.

Aislinana: We think. We haven’t thoroughly tested yet. So please use these things called umbrellas. The water will not melt your skin, however.

Coppercogs: However, if you use a goblin umbrella, then whatever falls off of the umbrella once the rain hits it, that might melt your skin. I would be careful with that.

Aislinana: Yeah. Just don’t buy anything from goblins.

Coppercogs: There is also something that’s happening, apparently, called snow. This is largely happening in areas that are cold, I think, like Winterspring. The snow is big fluffy stuff that comes down from the sky and it doesn’t fall as quickly as the rain does. It’s kind of like it meanders down to the ground.

Aislinana: Yeah. I think that snow is very similar to rain but it’s a lot more cold. However, you can make things called snowballs. Very exciting.

Coppercogs: Yes. And you can use them to throw at other people, which is also pretty exciting. Now I think snow can actually melt your skin, right?

Aislinana: Well we haven’t thoroughly tested it yet.

Coppercogs: Maybe it’s that your skin can melt the snow? I don’t know. I always get those two things confused.

Aislinana: We’ve only had snow for – I dunno – like a couple weeks now, so we’re still a little bit confused.

Coppercogs: We’re still working out all the details.

Aislinana: And since we’re also in Silithus, we’d like to remind you that there are things now called sandstorms. They are very, very painful.

Coppercogs: They’re really scary. They look like a giant sand … storm that comes at your face and it like swirls all around and you get really sandy and sometimes it gets in your eyes and it’s really bad. That is not a sandstorm. That is mana.

Aislinana: Well, it looks like a sandstorm, sort of.

Coppercogs: Yeah, kind of. Except not blue. So if you see something like that, but not blue, you should probably run in the other direction as quickly as possible.

Aislinana: We’re 99% sure that sandstorms are not created by goblins.

Coppercogs: And in that 1% that we are not certain about, you should keep an eye out for potential bombs that are also swirling around inside of the sandstorm.

Aislinana: Yes. Those are also very dangerous as well.

Coppercogs: So now, maybe we should take folks into the gates of Ahn’Qiraj so that they can see for themselves the new area that we can explore.

Aislinana: Sure. This is a very interesting place to be. It’ll also lead us into our next segment, which is all about fashion and entertainment.

Coppercogs: And there is lots of fashion and entertainment to be found inside of the temple of Ahn’Qiraj, as you will see.

Aislinana: Ahn’Qiraj is the new bastion of this season’s forward thinking fashion trends. We actually have an interview with one of the elite haute couture clothing manufacturers of Ahn’Qiraj.

Coppercogs: We’re pretty excited about it. She’s really a trendsetter.

Aislinana: Seriously. But before we get to that, we can talk about some of the well known names and faces of Azeroth.

Coppercogs: Well when you’re talking about fashion, there’s really nobody on Azeroth more fashionable than Lady Prestor in Stormwind.

Aislinana: Yeah. She really knows her stuff. I constantly look to her for fashion advice and new trends.

Coppercogs: I’ve noticed that about you because one of the things I like the most about Lady Prestor is that she chooses to use nontraditional materials on her gowns. So sometimes you’ll see her wearing things like scales, and I notice that your dress today has some scales on it too.

Aislinana: Yes. I made them from bugs that I killed.

Coppercogs: That sounds like a great idea.

Aislinana: Absolutely. You can use many different things as nontraditional materials for all of your armor and fashionable gear. Sticks, scales, eyes, horns.

Coppercogs: I like to use the heads of things that I have killed and put them on my shoulders sometimes!

Aislinana: I hear that’s a real hit with hunters, too.

Coppercogs: Indeed.

Aislinana: So we went through Ahn’Qiraj and we noticed that many of the lady bugs had very interesting costume choices. We were wondering where they actually get all this cool fashion, since they’re largely inside of a bug hive.

Coppercogs: And I think that the logical answer is that they must make most of it themselves.

Aislinana: That’s very interesting. We’re going to have to kill a few of these bugs so we can make wonderful dresses later.

Coppercogs: Somebody must not have told them that we have an appointment.

Aislinana: Absolutely. Bugs are not very well-mannered.

Coppercogs: Whoopsie-daisy. Make sure you don’t hit them too hard. Otherwise we won’t be able to get their scales.

Aislinana: Ah! We have finally come to our interview segment. We’re going to be talking to the very fashionable Battleguard Sartura about what she does to get such unique and interesting dresses.

Coppercogs: Look at all those fun, glowy, silky wraps that she’s wearing today!

Aislinana: Oh, that is very cute and very fashionable, and can also keep you very cool in the hot desert sun.

Coppercogs: Lady Sartura, are you ready for your interview? We talked to your agent and she said that it was Ok.

Aislinana: Don’t you want to talk to us? We’re here to talk to you about your wonderful fashion sense. Where are you going?

Coppercogs: Maybe we should just yell our questions and maybe she’ll answer them.

Aislinana: Ms. Sartura, where do you get your inspiration? Oh no! I don’t think she liked that question very much.

Coppercogs: I don’t think she did either. Maybe she’s afraid that you’re going to steal her style or something. Well, that’s not nice.

Aislinana: I feel very conflicted.

Coppercogs: Yeah. I mean on the one hand, we were really supposed to interview her but on the other hand now we can really see the dress pretty well.

Aislinana: Well, I suppose. Ah, look at these boots! They’re nice.

Coppercogs: Those look like something that might go with your outfit.

Aislinana: Absolutely. I think I’ll take them.

Coppercogs: She has a very interesting combination of clothing going on here. It looks like we have some silky, flowing pants with cutouts on the sides. And then there are these arm-thingies that I don’t really know how those stay on. But they look pretty neat.

Aislinana: Maybe she uses sap.

Coppercogs: Oh. Or bug goo.

Aislinana: She also doesn’t seem to be wearing any shoes, but I don’t think they’d make high heels for clawed talons.

Coppercogs: No. That seems like it would be kind of strange. But at least – I mean she can fly. So if she wants to look taller, she can look taller.

Aislinana: Absolutely. And it looks like her battleguard also has coordinating outfits but in different colors.

Coppercogs: That’s a really good idea! You always want your entourage to kind of like compliment what you’re wearing.

Aislinana: But not overshadow.

Coppercogs: No, definitely not.

Aislinana: In other fashion news, we’d like to talk about some of the new things that have come out in the last couple of months. Are you using outdated armor culled from the resources of dingy old dungeons? Adventurers can now think more fashion forward by going to their capital cities and picking up the quest that will give them a brand new color of their armor.

Coppercogs: Yeah! So if you’ve been dealing with the fact that your armor doesn’t match your hair for a really long time now, now you can just get new armor.

Aislinana: Yeah, it’s awesome! It’s like your old armor but in way prettier colors that are more fashionable for the season. It might take you a long time, but who says fashion is overnight.

Coppercogs: Everything takes a long time anyway.

Aislinana: Yeah. You might as well look good doing it though.

Coppercogs: Exactly. In other economic news, there has also been a major change to the way that Azeroth’s auction houses work. So before, if you wanted to put something up for sale, you would go to Ironforge and anybody who looked at the auction house in Ironforge would be able to buy from you. But if you went to Stormwind, there would only be auctions there from Stormwind. Now there has been a very special and interesting and complicated network set up where all the auctioneers in all the different cities talk to each other. So if you start an auction in Ironforge, then somebody could buy it in Stormwind or Darnassus. It’s amazing!

Aislinana: That sounds like a really great change. I’m so tired of not being able to sell things in multiple cities. But I wonder – how do they do it?

Coppercogs: Magic?

Aislinana: Magic. That’s silly. There’s – oh. You’re right. It would be magic.

Coppercogs: I would think so. Unless maybe somebody dug tunnels underneath the ground that goes to every single city on Azeroth and then when you give your money to an auctioneer, they drop it in the tunnel and then it zooms on its way to wherever it’s supposed to be and then that thing that you bought zooms back to you. That sounds equally probable.

Aislinana: Very true. They could do it with pneumatic tubes because goblin technology is terrible, but gnomish technology is awesome.

Coppercogs: Exactly. Also, in big news for your warlock friends – if you have any warlock friends, and if you have warlock friends, why are you admitting that to other people? But anyway. In warlock news, there are now bags that people can make that will specifically hold your Soulshards. So after you’re done stealing the souls of the enemies that you conquer, you can handily store them in your bags.

Aislinana: Whoa! That’s so great!

Coppercogs: And creepy!

Aislinana: Yeah. It’s too bad people are actually warlocks, though.

Coppercogs: Yeah.

Aislinana: I don’t know any because I don’t like to be friends with warlocks. Also their candy tastes weird.

Coppercogs: I think that’s the souls.

Aislinana: I’ve been eating souls this entire time? That’s terrible.

Coppercogs: I don’t know what you expect when you go to dinner with a warlock.

Aislinana: [sighs] See this is why I don’t talk to them because they’re all weird.

Coppercogs: Well in other news, and you can talk to us about this, I hear that there’s a big change in the way that mages give us food.

Aislinana: Oh yes. Instead of our spells only conjuring 5 at a time, they conjure 10 now! It’s great, especially when you have to make food and water for 40 of your friends.

Coppercogs: Speaking of, I don’t think I got any food at the start of this dungeon.

Aislinana: You didn’t ask for any.

Coppercogs: Oh. I didn’t know I had to.

Aislinana: Uh, hello? That’s how it works. You have to ask nicely. I’m just not a food and drink dispenser.

Coppercogs: OK. Apparently there’s also another change for people who like to go in and do battlegrounds against the Horde. If you like to do both Warsong Gulch and Arathi Basin, now you can get in line for both of them at the same time, and whoever wants you first, that’s the one that you get to go to.

Aislinana: I guess. And one more piece of news for all of you adventurers out there. Previously, if you were doing jobs for various people around the world, all they would do is give you a couple pieces of silver and some experience toward your overall goals. Now all questgivers, once you have obtained the maximum level for your glass, will now give you just tons of money.

Coppercogs: And who doesn’t love tons of money?

Aislinana: I know I do because everything costs a million gold. Mounts are like a thousand gold. I mean I don’t have that kind of money. Who has 1000 gold? I only have like 50. It’s very distressing.

Coppercogs: That’s amazing! And you’re the richest person I know!

Aislinana: I know! Where am I supposed to make money. But now if you go and you talk to more people to get jobs, apparently you’ll make way more money for all of those hard hours that you spent killing boars.

Coppercogs: Killing boars does take a lot of time out of my day.

Aislinana: I know, especially when they don’t always have eyes or hearts or feet.

Coppercogs: So now maybe we should open up our show to take some questions from our listening audience. Do you have any questions about the Gates of Ahn’Qiraj or about anything that’s going on in Azeroth today?

Aislinana: Anyone? Oh, who said that?

Coppercogs: Oh the Scarab Lord? That’s a fantastic question. So for anybody who doesn’t know, the Scarab Lord is the person who managed to assemble the Scepter of the Seven Sands and then they were the ones who got to bang the gong that opened the gate.

Aislinana: Oh yeah. I actually met the Scarab Lord. He was kind of a jerk. Last week, he was seen mining a lot of ore and then we didn’t see him after that.

Coppercogs: Yes. To the point in chat, apparently they do have a black insect that they ride around on all the time. It kind of looks like this, except it is not yellow.

Aislinana: I just wonder why do they get the black mount? Why don’t we get it? We helped too?

Coppercogs: Because they banged the gong.

Aislinana: What’s so special about that? It’s just a gong. I don’t get a mount for ringing people’s doorbells.

Coppercogs: Let’s see. We have another question from someone who asks, “Where can I find enough nature resist gear for Princess Huhuran?” That is a fantastic question.

Aislinana: That would be Maraudon. It’s very far away from Ahn’Qiraj.

Coppercogs: Yes. And while we’re talking about nature resist gear and resist gear in general, we should probably put out a bit of a public service announcement for all of the casters in our raid groups. It’s important to remember – not mentioning any names – but it’s important to remember that lots and lots of the bugs in these areas are able to reflect your spells. So if you cast very big spells that usually hurt bugs, sometimes they’re going to bounce back and punch you in the face.

Aislinana: You said you weren’t going to talk about that!

Coppercogs: I didn’t mention any names!

Aislinana: Oh sure, because they don’t know who you’re talking about.

Coppercogs: It could have been me!

Aislinana: That’s super rude. I didn’t do it on purpose.

Coppercogs: Well I’m sorry, Miss Pyroblast-to-the-face.

Aislinana: Look, it wasn’t intentional. I didn’t know that they had a spell reflect!

Coppercogs: Well that’s what they’re counting on.

Aislinana: [sigh] You’re so mean.

Coppercogs: Sorry!

Aislinana: Fine.

Coppercogs: We have one other question. “What are the hot professions today?”

Aislinana: Alchemy!

Coppercogs: You always say that.

Aislinana: Uh, because it’s the best one.

Coppercogs: Well one new development for you enchanters out there – you are now able to turn some of your dust and shards into magical oils that you can use on your weapons to do stuff!

Aislinana: I don’t like weapon oils. They’re all slimy and then I can’t hold my wand.

Coppercogs: It does seem like it would be a bit of a deterrent, I guess. I mean the bugs have gross slime that they get all over us, so maybe it’s only fair that we have gross oils that we get all over them too.

Aislinana: Absolutely.

Coppercogs: Do we have any other questions? Well in that case, thanks everybody so much for tuning into this inaugural episode of Badges of Justice! We’re so excited to do it for ya.

Aislinana: Absolutely. This was a great opportunity to share the news that you want to hear from Azeroth.

Coppercogs: As always, I’m Vixby Coppercogs!

Aislinana: And I’m Aislinana Whiztink. It was nice to see you!

Coppercogs: Catch you guys next week.

[Altering the timestream sound effects]

Tzufit: Wow Chromie. That wasn’t exactly what I was expecting. I’ll be honest with you.

Chromie: What do you mean? That was perfect.

Tzufit: You know, maybe it kind of was.

Chromie: Going back in time is awesome no matter how you slice it.

Apple Cider Mage: You know, Chromie, time travel I don’t think is exactly what we had in mind for a good vacation break for us. But thank you for bending the rules of space and time to help us out.

Tzufit: Yeah. We really do appreciate that you were willing to kind of like forego your oath as a bronze dragon just to help out our little podcast for a couple of minutes. So, thanks!

Chromie: No problem, and I’ll see you later!

Tzufit: Bye Chromie.

Chromie: Bye!

Tzufit: And thanks very much to our listeners and to the folks who joined us in chat this week. We appreciate you putting up with Chromie’s shenanigans.

Apple Cider Mage: Absolutely. Thank you very much for this wonderful opportunity to talk in a high pitched voice for 40 minutes.

Tzufit: My, you’re a tall one!

Apple Cider Mage: Maybe I’ll find the nuggets on a chicken.

Tzufit: Needs more rage!

Apple Cider Mage: Anyway, we’ll be back next week.

Tzufit: Yeah. Theoretically next week we will be doing “A Very Justice Points Christmas.” I don’t know what that means, but that’s what I wanted to title the episode, so.

Apple Cider Mage: Yeah. That makes sense. I think we’ll also be having another live show. So please stop by. And as always, we’ll see you next time.

 

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